K.A.M Anagwin

What fears have you overcome and how?

A long time ago, there was once a little girl who wandered freely across the courtyard. The grounds were filled with laughter and endless chatter. However, she stopped, turning her attention to another noise that could be heard in the distance. Moving towards the rumble, she could feel the earth shaking beneath her as if a stampede were charging down the mountains. Courageously, she ventured to the fields, only to find the games had begun and the air around her echoed with high-pitched whistling, which held their coach’s every command. Realising that not a single player would notice her presence, she returned to walking the courtyard in the hopes that just one would notice her existence. Days fell into weeks, blurring into months, as if the years meant nothing at all.

A dark cloud formed around the little girl as she routinely dawdled through the schoolyard, where hope turned into merely a dream. The only friend she had was misery itself, which remained without invitation. Without any warning, the bell rang once more, causing panic among the children except one, who wandered slowly back inside her classroom, where she stayed unnoticed as the room bustled with learning activities. By the end of the day, she would return home to a tension filled house, a penny drop would be enough to flatten the building leaving no survivors. With blurry eyes and a heavy heart, this young girl grew into an adult. Where her need for companionship outshone her natural shyness.

With reservations, she reached out to her community, which had become like family to her, where she found mothers, fathers, and siblings who took her in as their own, which helped her continue to grow into a fine young woman. Yet nothing good remains; all she had to do was look up, and there it was, the dark cloud of loneliness hanging above her, overshadowing any form of goodness or love she might find, reminding her that she was once invisible, always invisible. The dark cloud tormented her with memories of pain and suffering, all of which could have ended that horrible day long ago. Despite its best efforts, the young woman refused to give in to its cruel nature. However, the more it pestered her, the more she fell victim to the dark cloud, falling further into its trap, causing the darkness to darken as its grip tightened around her mind and body, forcing the heavy guilt of the past to weigh upon her shoulders, leaving her torn between wishing she had succeeded and wishing she had never attempted.

Despite how hard she tried, joy became just as elusive as time. There seemed to be little point in reaching out to friends; in darkness, she hid away, where painful memories of school life returned as if she were still walking along the grounds listening to the chatter without being noticed by a single soul, she was right there needing them to see her.

The feelings of loneliness abounded, and after convincing herself she didn’t mind being alone, she withdrew from her community, almost disappearing from view. The dark cloud corrupted her, making it almost impossible for her to differentiate between her thoughts and the dark clouds, as she mumbled to herself. “For it was better to be alone than to be among them feeling as if I don’t exist; it is true that once invisible, always invisible.” Alone within her own thoughts, despair almost overpowered her as the dark cloud was once again free to consume its victim, tightening its false comforting hug around her mind and body as if it were the voice of reason, feeding her mind with loneliness and despair. Feelings of hopelessness consumed her as she wished to end her life once more.

Little time went by before many in her community realised they hadn’t seen her; for a certainty, she had been missed dearly. Many sought her out, and in distress, they found her, proving they would never abandon her. Although the dark cloud would never disappear. She realised there is love among friends, and there is no invisibility if you keep overcoming shyness and continue to reach out to those around you. Although continual effort is needed to fight the dark cloud, she will not need to battle depression alone. They reminded her of all that she had done for them. Without a doubt, it was true that she had left an impression on each one’s heart. They helped her to her feet once more, and the dark cloud could no longer entangle its false comfort around her mind and body. For the first time, she had a life.

Her heart ached with joy, knowing it had finally overcome fear of rejection and knowing she was safe among friends who loved her unconditionally. This was a milestone she would not easily forget, a milestone that held much joy, a joy impossible for the dark cloud to destroy on its own. No matter how dark that cloud was or how strong it tried to be, love was going to conquer it. The generous person prospers, as was seen with this young woman; what she gave did not go unnoticed, and her community wanted to give in return so they could have this precious one join them once more.

This young woman was resolved to combat her negative feelings; she was not alone, and she had the combat tools to win this battle. Equipped with a phone, a pen, and a diary. Photos became the norm, so she could always remember that her friends were near and never too far away. Without delay, at the end of an unusual day, she began to write down the good things she was grateful for—the little things that brought her joy. This prepared her for the bad days that came, for she could look back and see there was joy through turbulent storms. The dark cloud holds limited power over her, but by keeping busy with friends and family, she will see the genuine love and joy that remain with her.

The young woman chose life over death, realising perhaps there was more to see and more to find beyond the dark cloud. Her fear of loneliness almost consumed her forever, but by holding on to joy, this became the silver lining, the light through the darkest and coldest days. Her troubles are not over, but the fear that once controlled her can’t get to her anymore.

Loneliness was a path she unintentionally set before herself based on perceived truths that may not have existed. Although joy is the antidote to loneliness, it is no easy task to keep joy within our grasp, for the dark cloud presses down upon her until her energy is spent clinging to her brain as if feeding upon every happy memory until all is forgotten. Finding renewed strength, she prepared herself for the battlefield, ready to fight a battle not easily won, but by looking to the simple things in life that bring her joy, she will be well equipped to change her outlook, giving a firm reply to the cloud above her.

Keeping her mind’s eye awake and in search of a keepsake, a memory, a smile, a puppy chasing his tail, a family laughing in the park, or the birds across the street Each day, there is always at least one thing that causes her to smile, bringing warmth into her heart. Narrowing her vision, she focused on that piece of joy, knowing that if she had given up on the battle all those years ago, she would have missed something so precious that no one else noticed. To keep the moment forever alive, she documents it, which reminds her of all the joy she has received. This is enough to keep her alive throughout the battle with the dark cloud. The search for joy keeps excitement and adventure in her life, as she wonders where the next piece of joy will come from. Nothing is quite expected on the battlefield.

The dark cloud tries to fool her into thinking she is alone. During those days, rather than spiral down, she has taken this insecurity as a challenge, and without hesitation, she messages close friends to prove to herself they care. The young woman realised that no one is truly ever alone; all she needed to do was look up and see that there was always someone nearby willing and ready to listen. All she had to do was make the first step, the hardest but most rewarding moment of all, which was within her grasp by seizing the moment she silenced the dark cloud, gaining victory over that fight and growing ever stronger for the battle ahead.

Depression is neither a game nor an easy fix, but the fear of loneliness was manageable for this young woman, all because she prepared herself for the gloomy days and learned to find joy in what came her way and never letting it go!